|
A great team, program or family avoids destructive triangles and works to develop open communication. One sure way to ruin relationships are destructive triangles. A destructive triangle is formed when you are in conflict with someone else and instead of going directly to that person to deal with the problem, you go tell someone else and "gossip" with them. Examples of destructive sentences would be, "Did you notice how Hank never passes the ball when he is in the game?" "Your Dad keeps spending money he shouldn't be spending." "Your brother is driving me crazy."
The best way to stop yourself from destructive triangles is to talk directly with the person you struggle with. This demands courage. It's easiest to cut the person down behind their back. We can call it venting but really the word is gossip. Often, when we do decide to say something to that person directly, we accuse, get angry, talk rudely, and neglect our own role in the problem.
10 steps to deal directly and openly when in conflict
1. Honestly find qualities you admire in this person and point one of these qualities out.
2. Confirm you are willing to work on yourself.
3. Ask if they feel you have wounded (aggravated, frustrated, hurt) them.
4. If yes, ask forgiveness by actually asking the question "Will you forgive me for ____________" rather than just saying "I'm sorry."
5. Ask if they are willing to talk about something they have done which has aggravated, frustrated, or hurt you.
6. If yes, tell them your feelings in a respectful way without saying, "you did this." Instead say, "I felt like this." If they say no, then say you plan to open up your feelings to someone else for counsel.
7. Once they have heard the ways you have felt offended..., ask if they would be willing to ask forgiveness for what they have done.
8. if they are unwilling, do not try to push, control or lecture them-- but notify them that you will see counsel from a trusted person on what to do.
9. Try to stay in a person to person relationship until things are worked out.
10. Seek outside professional help together if necessary.
Key questions to consider:
How have you seen triangles be destructive on teams, businesses or in families?
Name two reasons people protect themselves by pointing out others faults instead of noticing their own.
Name two fears you feel when considering the 10 steps to deal openly with conflict.
Who is a friend or family member who would be willing to make a commitment to resolve conflict directly?
Action: Memorize this verse. "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than yourself." Phil. 2:4
CHANGE YOUR WORLD
Change your World
previous articles
Live with purpose and Intensity
Forgiveness makes a difference on and off the court
Have stronger self-esteem
5 ways to be more mentally tough
"That's not fair." Overcoming when sports and life aren't fair
Afraid to fail
Mental Toughness
14 success traits
An Attitude of Gratitude
Accountability
Cultivating Peace
Overcoming failure
|
