December 01, 2022 | Tagged Parenting
Sustainable Parenting Habits
A system of parenting is missing for many families. Many families lack a system for training, discipline, encouragement, repair, and deep meaning. Parenting consequentially becomes reactive instead of proactive: Fighting fires and trouble-shooting instead of building and growing. One of the biggest barriers to parenting is shame. It’s so toxic and can cause us to choose the wrong tools to solve problems in the family.
For example, a child is melting down at Disneyland. The child is overly hot, tired, sugared, stimulated, and at their wit’s end. The parent is also overly hot, tired, stimulated, sugared, and frustrated by life, the expense of the trip, and the unfulfilled desires of a beautiful family vacation. The parent navigates this with anger. “Get it together,” she demands of the child. Anger tends to supply needed energy during a crisis. Anger gets things done. She criticizes her child, “I’m sick of you whining, all you ever do is whine, I can’t believe I raised such a complaining child.” Criticism shifts the shame of bad parenting onto someone else. The mom continues with threats and fear, “I should never have taken you on this trip, if you don’t stop crying right now, I am going to leave you here by yourself.” Threats and fear can often result in the short-term desired outcome.
All these parenting habits are understandable; the parent has become a victim of their lack of planning and foresight. All the work in planning the vacation failed to plan for energy crises and relational difficulties.
Changing these parenting habits means adopting a new system and strategy for dealing with difficulty.
This comes through wisdom and mentoring. Maybe instead of investing in Disneyland, parents can begin to invest in ways to create loving home systems operating without anger, shame, blame, and frustration.
Just like we study to become excellent at our jobs, we need to study to become excellent parents.
Here are a few simple tools:
- The Gottman Marriage Minute-Daily emails with tips, encouragement and reminders
- Crucial Conversations - Patterson, Switzler, Grenny, McMillan, Gregory
- Relational Cure by John Gottman
- The Gift of Imperfection by Brene Brown
NBC Basketball parents, thank you for understanding Nothing Beats Commitment to be a great parent. We thank you for your dedication to living with love and appreciation for your kids and for the will to do the work necessary to be a loving and wise parent.
About NBC Basketball
NBC stands for nothing beats commitment and the philosophy that daily habits reveal future success. For more information about NBC Basketball check out www.nbccamps.com.